I got one of those gifts with purchase. That special bag filled with makeup goodies from the department store that makes you feel like you got something all the while pretending you didn’t get taken by them because you spent $17 on mascara and had to find something else to bring you up to the minimum purchase requirement. As an aside, the good news is, when you get old and are trying to hold visible age at bay, the products are much more expensive so you only need to buy one item. And you feel like you BETTER get something with that purchase.

The bag is pretty and a good size. The lipstick is in a shade I can wear (the only thing slightly worse than getting a shade that is hideous is getting a perfect shade that becomes your favorite and when you run out you don’t want to spend $22 on a tube of lipstick that they gave you for free). The eyeshadow kit is always the most fun. I play with the different combos of colors. I do one eye using a light hand and then do the other eye super dramatic. Then I usually wash it off and put the kit away and later wonder why I have so much junk.

I put the bag, eyeshadow, lipstick, cleanser and moisturizer in the bathroom. It will be out on the counter for a few weeks and then I’ll hide it.

I was clearing off the table to set it for dinner and found the fragrance that came in the kit. I didn’t put it in the bag. I’m weird about scent. I’ve been wearing the same fragrance for pretty much my entire adult life. And when I tried other perfumes, I’d go mad smelling myself all day. So back to the familiar.

I picked up the pretty, miniature bottle and thought that I’d bring it to my mother. I have been bringing her these “foo-foo” samples–especially on her too many trips to the hospital or rehab. Fancy eau de toilette is always a lift and a laugh.

As I fingered the bottle and briefly traversed that thought, I remembered that Mom is gone. Just like that. Boom. Jarred into reality.

I heard an ad on the radio about getting a gift for Mothers’ Day, and felt another tug. I don’t have a mom to give anything to anymore. Not since January.

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. I didn’t know Mothers’ Day was a holiday of pain. I guess that’s what happens. Crappy circle of life.

And Happy Mothers’ day, Mom. Miss you.