Him: (looking in the cart) What’s up with the toilet paper?
Me: Well, we are close to running out and it seems to me it would be a good idea to have some. Just in case. Running out would not be so good.
Him: But you usually get the other kind.
Him: But you get the red kind. This is purple.
Me: It’s perfectly good toilet paper. It’s not like it’s an off brand.
Him: Using this new kind might cause some reaction.
Me: I seem to be getting some reaction now.
Him: My a** is already itchin’.
Me: Shut up.